Dear Hollywood,
Can we talk? I feel like something is missing in our relationship lately, and to be totally honest I think it's you, not me. What happened, Hollywood? You used to be so fun, with your whip-swinging archaeologists, DeLorean riding time travellers and light saber swinging Jedi. Then something went horribly wrong, you just didn't seem to care about my needs anymore. I tried telling you I just couldn't take another remake of Piranha 3-D, but you didn't seem to care. I suffered through the umpteenth Saw flick and even sat with you through several rehashes of Superman, just hoping and praying our relationship wasn't really dead. Then there's the reality shows. At first I thought you were kidding, that maybe it was some kind of little game you were playing, like the time you did that thing with Eddie Murphy as the super hero from space. But no, the horrors of the Jersey shore, Survivor and the Kardashians were all too, well, real. Maybe you thought I would enjoy the circus, maybe you felt this would spice up the relationship and give us a much needed boost - like when we took some time off in Middle Earth to help the little guy return his jewelry. That was fun.
I realize now the Hollywood I once knew and loved is gone. No more will I know the feeling of adventure with the Goonies, the thrill of escaping the jaws of my favorite dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, enjoying the post-apocalyptic scenery while dodging a Terminator or two (or three), or getting all warm and squishy at the romance between a boy and his Princess Bride. So I'm leaving you, Hollywood, at least until you can get your act together. I'm thinking of dating your sister, Television. Hell, maybe I'll even pay your cousin Literature a visit. It's been a while and I hear she's really hot now! Don't worry, I'll never give up hope that one day we might know what it is to love and be loved in return (you probably don't remember what I'm talking about).
Here's looking at you, kid.
~ J.
P.S. Tell that hussy Stewart that four Twilight flicks is four too many. Thanks.
